Like Grandmother...
I went to the hospital today to visit my grandmother as she had her regular hemodialysis treatment. I couldn't see where the tubes were connected to her arm (thank goodness), but I could see tubes of red running to and from the machine. And juxtaposed with the tubes was my grandmother eating a BK Fish Filet sandwich.
- posted by roger @ 8:59 PM (0) comments

 
Coffee Woes
I'm in Taiwan for spring break, but this actually has to do with a café back in Chicago. But I just had a revelation about the whole situation, so I'm writing about it now.

About two weeks ago, I noticed a really cute barista at the café I usually studied at. And I was getting the feeling he was checking me out, too. This was right around finals, so it was both good and bad: I was going to the café more, hoping he'd be there, but I was also more distracted whenever he was working. I ended up posting a Missed Connection about him, as I do. But I had previously noticed one of his co-worker's posts on there, so I made mine extremely vague. I didn't want his co-worker to see and tell him about it, since I would've been totally mortified, but I tried to make it specific enough that if he had been checking me out, he'd probably remember the interaction I described.

Anyway, cut to a few days later, and there was definitely a vibe going on. So I decided to give him my number.

"I think you're cute, and I want you to have my phone number. I hope you'll want to use it."

He looked at the napkin with my name and number written down, and he stuck out his hand over the counter. "I'm Chris."

"Hi, I'm Roger. ...but you probably just learned that already. Uh, I have to go." I wasn't really ready to handle anything beyond the number giving, because I was already freaked out about that. But I did actually need to go. A couple hours later, I got a text message from him. Exciting! And we made plans to get dinner that evening. We had crepes (super gay), and then we went out for some italian ices. As we were walking around, eating them, he revealed he had a boyfriend. I was mostly cool and collected, but who does that? He later described his actions as "being on a diet, but browsing the menu." Which, fine, do what you want, but it seemed like it should've been obvious that I thought we were on a date, and he could've made it clear that we weren't.

We were friendly over the next few days, frequently texting and IMing, with some real-life conversation interspersed. I came to the realization that I was still like liking him, and that the only way to stop it was to just stop interacting with him. So I stopped going to the café. But that same night we agreed not to talk anymore, he replied to my Missed Connection post. Because of its vague nature, I didn't think he could've replied to it without knowing it was me, and that he was just being coy. I got all riled up about the fact that he was toying with me, and I wrote a ranting, berating email to him. It turned out he had no idea it was me.

And now that I have this new egg on my face, I really can't go back to that café. But that's not the point. The point is that tonight, I realized that I had a crush on him, and the reason I couldn't just get over it and be friends with him was that I hadn't really had many crushes before. I mean, with David and Ethan, we just sort of met, had a connection, and started dating. I wasn't used to liking someone without them being available. I have a roving eye, so I'm constantly checking guys out, but my thoughts are generally just about wanting to sleep with them. And what made things different with the barista wasn't really even that I'd gotten a strong feeling he was interested in me, too, but that I'd gotten to know him a little; I had more to be attracted to than just his physical appearance.

So I guess the upshot is that I don't know how to have a crush (although I'm trying to get phone number-giving into my repetoire), but I really don't know how to have an unrequited crush. And just like that, I've lost use of the closest café to my apartment, and I feel like I'm in middle school again.
- posted by roger @ 5:17 AM (1) comments